Flood of emotions, turning of the page, keeping a smile on my face
My goodness, it has been such a long time since I have updated my website, my blog, too. I remember when journaling used to be a safe space for me online, writing in my livejournal or any other online journal variation, too. Even if I am a bit embarrassed at how I’ve abandoned you, my tiny website, I will do my best to help you rise like the phoenix. I mean, I am trying to do the same, to be fair. I feel I keep being pulled in all sorts of directions, only becoming more lost along the way. I feel this might be a thing the collective is going through currently, not gonna lie.
Well, earlier today I was already stressed about other personal matters, but on top of it my chihuahua, Nanako, had a seizure. This has never happened to her before and I was so confused. I mean, she was playing outside with family and everything, it felt so strange, out of place. I felt so helpless, not knowing what to do, but taking action best I could. I held her, thinking she had choked on her food, which led to some sort of reaction. I have no clue, fam. I felt my legs were jelly but I massaged her, did my best to stop the convulsions. They did stop but then the poor thing thought she did something wrong. She had made a mess of herself and was hyperventilating. Mama Empress did her best, I say. I have to admit, I’ve been really proud of myself lately. I managed to calm my dog down and have been keeping watch over her.
My anxiety has been off the charts, worrying about all sorts of adult stuff, but also realizing some deep personal issues rising to the surface. I mean, who gave you the right, personal issues that I thought I buried many years ago? Ah, shadow work at its best, I know her all too well.
Even with the scare, I made myself some linden tea, something my mom would always make me growing up when my anxiety got bad. I would always joke around, make fun saying, oh god not that linden tea nonsense again. She would then say in Spanish, listen to me, this shit works. Take it. Well, the moment I lost mom, linden tea has always been part of my tea selection. Oddly enough, I am not a fan of tea, but I am a fan of its healing properties. I don’t put anything in my tea, I drink it just as is. Sometimes, when I make tea for someone else, I pull out the slices of lemon, the honey, too, depending on their tastes. If I do so, then maybe I’ll infuse my tea with a little something extra. 😂
Bottom line, the tea helps me, I also use another tea blend for my throat. I do a lot of voice work and enjoy this blend a lot. It soothes my throat and the licorice root already makes it sweet. Honestly, I purr in delight at the thought of the warm tea, reminds me of something so lovely, familiar, of home.
My baby, my girl, my chihuahua, Nanako, is so fun to take pictures of. She is absolutely hilarious. She is the perfect meme, every time. I have lost count of how many pictures I have of her. I remember I use to run a discord server for Persona 5 and some of my friends made my dog’s pictures into memes. Here is one of my favorites.
(RIP my Kink Palace. I had fun being the Sin Mom 😂)
Also, some other fun facts about my doggo. Yes, her namesake is Nanako from Persona 4. Nanako, both my dog and the character need to always be protected at all costs. One more fun fact! When I started posting more tarot related content on my Instagram, I have videos of Nanako pulling out cards from my hand. I made a joke saying that Madam Le Woof (or was it Floof?) was taking readings now. Like mother, like fur daughter! Hah! I actually got a couple of clients for her, too. 😂
Alright, I guess it’s time for some wholesome advice. I mean, I always feel compelled to end things on a light note, somehow. Just like the reading I did on my Youtube community page, even when everything seems to be falling apart, there is something better being prepared behind the scenes. We have to believe in something to keep us going, to keep us sane. I would philosophize but I have hit my writing quota. Not to worry, with my Gemini sun in the 9th house, my ass will always be philosophizing.
I do hope to write in here again, just for the sake of it. It’s nice.
Stay lovely and cozy,
Lucy 🦋